go do what you do best...puke behind churches
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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