I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
