Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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