come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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