Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
It's Friday. Sex?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
