when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
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