Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
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