why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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