i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
