My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
