there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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