some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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