Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
