Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
