I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
