It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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