Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
