U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
