brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
