i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
