considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
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