I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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