she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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