You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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