I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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