You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize