I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
