the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
