his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize