watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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