I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
