i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize