Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Someone stole a lamp last night.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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