I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I just found puke in my bra..
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
