Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
