I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
