Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
