so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
