i may or may not be watching the land before time
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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