We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
