forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
