I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize