Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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