Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
