Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
