Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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