I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
