I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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