1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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