Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
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