Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
