I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
