apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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