He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
