So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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