I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I got her a Nickelback box set.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
