I must be too annoying 4 u.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
