oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
