If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
