I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
