So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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