You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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