I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I'm both gender and math confused
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
