I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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