ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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