I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
i now understand why vodka
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
