This dress was meant to end up on your floor
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
There's always time for handjobs
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
