look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
