I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
