Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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